SO, YOU WANTED TO BE A PROFESSIONAL AND A MOTHER?
Becoming mother
for the first time was a fascinating feeling in my life. My mother,
grandmother, aunts, friends and all relatives suddenly were experts in the
field. Of course I had to listen to every single advice – “You have to take a
Lamaze class", "Don't let them make you a caesarean section”, “don’t
eat too much, you will gain so much weight that you later won’t lose”- and
naturally “You must put them into
practice If you want your baby to be physically and emotionally healthy”
they said. During the pregnancy, I read every book I could find “You & Your Baby
Pregnancy: The Ultimate Week-by-week Pregnancy Guide” ( Riley, L.), "El Libro
del embarazo" ( Planeta Mamá), magazines such as Ser Padres and Mi Bebe y
yo. I filled up my head with all these ideas. By the due date, I was so nervous
and unconfident of becoming a mother. I felt I was going to be a failure and
that I wouldn’t do it right. You might
think what a big trouble! right? Wait there’s more about this story. I was on
my senior year of university and the expectations were higher. My classmates
and colleagues were expressing me their concerns about me being a mother and completing
the rest of the year. I think they were skeptical about my school, professional
and new mom skills. There were just
too many activities, obviously I had all that considered and surely I started
to panic.
How many times have you been thinking what you want
to do with your life? How often do you find yourself making plans for the
future? Well, my grandma used to say “want to make God laugh, tell him your
plans”. I think, when I was younger I didn’t understand the meaning for this
expression. I’m a believer and I know God has a plan for me and for every
person in this planet. Back in that time (pregnancy period) those words hadn’t
made the impact that they have in me these days. I was raised to be a
housewife, and a mother, being a professional was not contemplated into my
family’s beliefs. Even though I always had in mind going beyond that plan,
which definitely was to get a bachelor degree and have a profession that allows
me to develop other skills than being a mother and a wife. Due to the exposure
of my generation to the women’s liberation, experimenting the freedom that my
era was offering to our gender, it kept me thinking about my possible
professional goals. I remember my classmates talking about women’s rights and
new job offers around the world. My life
up to that moment was just in order, but I have never expected to get married
and have a baby so soon.
Who said a change of plans?
All of a sudden my path began to change. First,
feeling physically a little different, you know, morning sickness. Then,
confirming the doubt. “We are expecting!” You can imagine all those mixed
feelings that I was having. Happy but perplexed, excited and at the same time
paralyzed. During the process of assimilation, my husband's emotions and mine were
just like taking a ride on a roller coaster, going up and down. I have to
recall that in every moment I had his support and that was what made me feel
strong throughout this process.
The moment of truth had arrived, -“we are
parents!”- Wait, -“I’m a mother?”- Now, what? Do you remember when I revealed
to the world that I was pregnant and every single person around me became
expert gynecologists? Guess what? Now everyone became expert pediatricians,
just like receiving all that expertise with a magic touch. So, I realized that
receiving tons of advice about baby care was going to be inevitable. Actually,
I was not surprised I had read in one of the books mentioned before that this
situation was going to happen, want it or not. Consequently, I decided to listen
and choose what I thought were appropriate and suitable for me and my newborn
baby.
The 40 days quarantine period was going to
conclude, and I had to leave my baby boy in the care of somebody else. This was
not a surprise for anyone, as I was just finalizing my bachelor studies. My
husband and I had talked previously the birth, we decided to leave the baby in
the care of my mother in law. She was excited and ready to receive him. Going
back to school and working in a professional service made me think which
priorities will take me busy since then.
It is so
easy to get involved into a professional life style. The freedom that anyone
can feel, when you do what you love and receive a payment for that, it is just
liberating. But you never consider that you have another life when you go back
home. At the end of each working day, arriving at your house and feeling you
have just missed the first smile, the first babbling and probably other first
things from your baby, it is not comparable to the feel of freedom that your
job is giving you. At that moment, I considered making a pause in my
professional goals. Probably I will miss some chances of professional growth
and miss a lot of opportunities.
So, what do you want to do now?
Last year I watched an interview made to Michelle
Obama, the actual first lady of the United States of America and a lawyer. She
was asked what do women need to do in order to change the place in the working
area. I was paying very close attention, of course, I wanted to know what this
outstanding woman had to say about this issue. She started saying that women
must raise our voices and demand for our needs. Then, she continued explaining
what she meant by this, she began to tell an anecdote when she had her
daughters (Malia and Sasha).
“We lost our babysitter, which was probably the worst time of my
motherhood. I was so devastated, because that balance, that worth family
balance it’s so fragile and you realize how fragile it is that with a blink of
an eye a broken toilet, a sick child, a sick parent, that a balance is throwing
off and after we throw our first babysitter, someone we developed trust with,
we let them in our home, they were wonderful they loved your kids (…)”
Up to here, I could feel how she was struggling
during that period. Someone can explain to you how difficult it is to have all
your day arranged that one may continue with the rest of your activities and
then something goes wrong. For example, losing your trustworthy babysitter.
This is one of those things that causes to any woman to give up her
professional interests. One minute from feeling the sun and the stars are
falling over you can make you check out from any activity you could be into it.
And then, the first lady of U.S. continued,
"I said forget it, I'm just not doing it
again. But I got a call from the University of Chicago Hospital. They wanted me
to interview for a job and by then I was ready to be done, but that empowered
me. I said, you know, I don't even want this job, so I'm gonna go to the
interview and I'm gonna be whomever I'm gonna be and they are gonna have to
deal with it and who I was at that time. I was a breastfeeding mother of a
4-month-old (…)".
I thought:
this is a real woman! She has lived with the same problems as I did. Now, it
intrigues me; how did she handle being a mother and a lawyer? What was her next
step? Because as far as everyone knows, she is considered the person that
supports effectively the president of the United States of America (Barak
Obama).
She concluded her anecdote as follows:
"So, I properly took Sasha (her 4-month
daughter) to the interview with me, and I thought to look this is who I am (…) I got two little babies, they are my priorities. If you want me to do the
job, you gotta pay me to do the job and you gotta give me flexibility and
flexibility means that I will work my tail off for you, but you'd better pay me
and value my family. And the guy said "of course!" (laughing) and I
thought, are you kidding? So, I became a Vice president at the University of
Chicago Hospital and it was one of the best experiences that I had because he
put my family first (…)”.
After this
last phrase my mind just blew out. His new
boss put her family first! I realized that being a mother is not an obstacle
for developing professionally. Then, I thought that the order of priorities
must be as follows: “God first, then
family, then career” (Kay, M.) This order of priorities has changed my
entire world. Considering that nowadays I’m married to an incredible man, I'm a
mother of three, I'm a teacher in two universities, and I'm studying a masters
degree; anyone could fail in any of those areas. Some people have asked me how
do I do this. Some others can think that I'm not organized and probably my
children can be lacking quality time. Well, guess what? After all these
situations that I should manage every day, I have in first place the most important
priority God. He is my rock, he is my guide, he is my psychologist. Every
morning I give thanks for another day, for having all those blessings with me,
and off course I ask for being blessed with patience, love, grace, and one
thing I ask for to Jesus Lord of time and
space is to be blessed with those two elements. As I previously mentioned,
I'm a believer and I appreciate had been raised like that. I think faith has
filled me and I do not leave space for nonsense situations. Mother Theresa
said, “Not all of us can do great things.
But we can do small things with great love.” I think that having the gift
of being a mother of three children has given me the strength and a clearer
vision of my goals. I had set my view on reaching my objectives, and they are
part of the plan. “What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and
love your family.” (Mother Theresa)
Can your career make you a better
mom?
I must mention now that the three women I admire
the most were working mothers, my two grandmothers, and my mother, each one in
different ways. My mother worked from home since I remember, her job allows her
to do that. She works in the beauty field, besides she is a beautiful woman. My
father's mother (R.I.P.) was one of the most extraordinary and hardworking
women I've ever met. She supported my grandfather to build up a restaurant from
scratch. My relatives tell stories that she was the responsible for having that
business running during that time. And my mother's mother, she was a nurse when
she got married to my grandfather. But she decided to quit and take care from
her 6 children, including my mother. Even she was a housewife, she had her own
business of jewelry. She used to sell to her neighbors, friends, relatives and
every person she met. She is fantastic, very social and easy going. I think I
see so much of her in me. Actually I see a lot of the three in me. When I talk
to my mother and grandmother they always recommend me not to work too much. But
I always reply to them, “I only do what I
see you do.”
I think that all those psychological researchers
about children left behind from their parents, and all that information that
you can cause serious problems to their behavior, make parents feel responsible
for every single action their children do and that it keeps them feeling guilty
for scolding them, raising up their voices, or even punishing them when they
behave improperly. That guilty feeling increases when both parents work outside
from home. I recently read an article which very clearly explained that any
mother ought to feel upset for having a full or part time job. Instead, the
author proclaims that children from working mothers had improved their lives
because of that.
"My mother’s career has improved my
life in every possible way,” my friend Antonia Kerle told me. “It’s not just
that she’s made me ambitious, but she’s also made me believe that I really can
do what I want to do and be happy doing it. I think lots of women may hear
that, but they don’t have a role model for it.” (Alter, C. 2014)
After reading this text, I made myself a small
investigation among my Facebook friends. The following, are some of the posts
my friends did to the following question: What
has been the most difficult thing you sacrificed for being a mother and the
most rewarding thing you have for the same reason?
According to Marissa,
“I sacrificed 800 dollars per 5 days a week job for
being there for my son 24/7, it hurts not having the money, but it worth. I
don't regret. It was difficult, but I don't regret it.” She
sacrificed monetary issues, but she doesn't regret at all. I personally hang
out with her and I know for sure she enjoys being a mother.
Ruth
wrote,
“I wouldn't say sacrificed,
but it is limited. Going to the gym, going to parties late night. The most
rewarding… difficult, but one of the things is that my daughter wakes me up
every morning with a smile and a kiss.” Her daughter is a beautiful little girl and I can say she could give her
life for her.
Claudia
states,
“The most difficult, to leave her for some
hours to go out to work and can’t sleep fully every night. But, the most
rewarding is watching her smile at me every time I speak to her.” She is a 3-month baby girl mother, she is an
extraordinary teacher and I know she is spending the moment of her life being a
new mom.
Blanca
affirmed,
“Had lost very special
moments with my children, even for being tired or just not being there with
them, that’s what I can call “the sacrifice”. The most rewarding is feeling
their admiration and respect for all my achievements.” She is a mother of two successful adults. She is
another extraordinary and successful colleague. I can say one of my role
models.
These
women had sacrificed their lives in different ways, but they have very clear
that this sacrifice has a bigger reward.
Are you making up your mind?
Are you a mother or a professional? Both things are
possible to handle. Just set your priorities. Remember the order, “God first, then family, then career” (Kay,
M.) If you keep this phrase in mind, anything you consider doing could be
possible. "Because nothing shall be
impossible with God." (Luke 1:37, YLT)
